Why the Republicans are doomed

Bobo was an unfortunate child, born to unfortunate parents and given an unfortunate nickname. Because his parent's union was brief, and because they had little to contribute intellectually, he was raised mostly by the community. His body was not exactly deformed, but each feature tended towards the ugly side of normal.

What he lacked in brains, he more than made up for with hard work. Bobo lived with a traveling circus, a throwback to bygone days. He was up early, feeding the animals, cleaning up the grounds, and generally helping out wherever there was manual labor to be done.

He loved the elephants. He envied the handlers and their close relationship with the mostly gentle giants. For 50 years, he tended the elephants, carrying water for them to drink, and making sure that there was adequate straw.

One day, the ringmaster fell ill and died. The troupe that Bobo lived with was a close-knit group, and after a few generations had become somewhat inbred. This of course contributed to the posters that said "Bobo for Ringmaster! Vote Bobo!"

It was the accepted wisdom of the group that Bobo would be anointed as Ringmaster. After all, he had spent most of his life carrying water to the elephant. And of course, the common wisdom prevailed, and Bobo became the Ringmaster.

You can guess what happened next. Bobo had no Ringmaster skills. He couldn't schedule performances, he could not reconcile the differences between performers. He could not even make that snapping noise with his inherited whip. Performances suffered, ticket revenue plummeted, and one by one, the various performers packed up their trailers and went looking for another troupe to join.

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The Republican party should not be a meritocracy. Leadership skills are not learned by endurance, but by experience. If you show up to every caucus, every convention, every lit drop, and every fund raiser, all that it proves is that you know how to work. Leading is not the same thing - that's why business is divided into management and labor. Each must bloom where they are planted.

I am a Republican, and I want it known that endorsing a candidate based on their ability to carry water to the elephant (a clever euphemism for supporting the party) is simply a dumb, inbred idea. It is group-think run amok.

In 1994, the Republicans stood Washington on it's ear with the Contract with America. Riding the tide of disappointment with "It's the economy, stupid!" President Clinton, Republicans swept the House and held a majority for the first time in 40 years. They then proceeded to balance the budget, at least for a few years. Then, the Freshman class of the 104th Congress set about turning into Democrats.

Power corrupts. Eventually, the Republican majority lost their vision and their memory of what they had come to Washington to do. And then they lost their seats. We need to take back the House in order to save America from rampant progressivism. But we also need to remember that even the best Republicans don't stay conservative for long after they get a taste for opium (OPM, Other People's Money). Put them in, but then flush them out before they get worthless.

And above all, don't vote for Bobo. A long history of carrying water to the elephant is not a substitute for leadership, integrity, and brains. We don't need strong backs in Congress, we need wise heads. Find one and vote for it, no matter the gender or the race or the party of the body that it is attached to.

If you don't, then the Republican party - and all the rest of America, in fact - is doomed.